WARNING #1: This book will screw with your mind. WARNING #2: I wasn't kidding. It really will.
This book starts out as a lovely narrative about a girl who grows up side-by-side with a boy.
Amanda and Noah. Friends forever. *throws flower petals into the air*
Unfortunately, said girl grows up to realise that uncomplicated platonic friendships that result in endless days of sunshine and rainbows only exist on My Little Pony and The Saddle Club.
And suddenly she's afraid to take that step towards more. Because it could mean losing everything.
Can I just say that all the 'screw with your mind stuff' stems from one person only?
If we can call him a person. More like a spineless no-good slimeball with slime for brains! (Yep, my insults are just that good. Aren't I a talented young woman?!)
Because what kind of guy is all:
Girl: Are you dating her?
Guy: Look, I don't like her. But I have needs.
Girl: So wait. You're telling me that we're best friends...
Guy: Yep.
Girl: And that you're in love with me?
Guy: Totally.
Girl: And yet you're getting your 'needs' fulfilled by a long line of witchy women who for some reason all seem to have extremely low IQs and give you ridiculous nicknames?!
Guy: Ah...yep. Yep, that's it in a nutshell.
All because she is too scared to truly face her feelings he decides that, to hell with this - I'm going to date girls for the hell of it! Woo-hoo!
WARNING #3: Just wait. It gets better.
But then this spineless no-good slimeball with slime for brains decides that he is the...*drum roll*
PROTECTOR OF HIS BEST FRIEND! BOYFRIEND REPELLANT! POTENTIAL DATE BASHER!
(And also one rant away from being locked up in juvie, but hey, let's just ignore that small detail! Right?)
Every time Amanda tries to move on, or to pull her life together, or to get over seeing him slobber all over another girl - every time a guy comes within a six metre radius of her - Noah rocks up all Alpha Male and totally beats the hell out of the guy.
Sooooooo attractive, right? We all understand what Amanda sees in Noah.
*squints*
*tilts head*
*blinks*
Ah...nope. Nope, I'm not seeing whatever it is she's seeing.
Sure, he was a cute kid. Childhood memories and all that stuff. And sure, he brings her chocolate cake...
WARNING #4: Boys will worm their way into your life using chocolate cake. It's a ruse! DESTROY THE CAKE!
But this book takes this mind-screwing to another level.
Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse.
Every. Single. Damn. Time. She. Tries. To. Take. That. Step. He. Stuffs. Up.
Again. Every single time. It's either:
"Oh, sorry for snogging that girl when I was just confessing my undying love for you five seconds ago, Amanda!"
OR
"Let me just sit here and flirt with you, Amanda, when we both know I have a clingy girlfriend waiting for me back at my apartment."
OR
"You're everything to me...oh, hang on, my girlfriend just arrived."
Noah is gorgeous. But he also at Level 10 of Douchedom.
WARNING #5: If it's male, don't trust it.
And then the book gets even better!! Wait for it...wait for it...Amanda gets cancer!
Yes, you read correctly. Cancer. Because we haven't got enough drama going on, do we?!
Seriously...I'm going to be serious now. I liked this book. I cried. I laughed.
But I also couldn't understand why the characters were so...volatile.
I mean, no one talks normally in this book. Well, at least, Noah and Amanda don't. It's all:
"LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"DO YOU LOVE ME YES OR NO?!"
"I CAN'T BE WITH YOU! LEAVE ME!"
"YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM HE'S MINE!"
"GET OFF HER, YOU ********! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT TOUCHING HER!"
WARNING #6: The use of caps lock in this book may overwhelm you.
I mean, aren't their throats sore?
Wouldn't yours be if you yelled as much as these two do? Maybe that's a trivial thing to be thinking about but hey - it's a valid question!
So in conclusion:
- Girl meets guy
- Girl is friends with guy
- Girl loves guy
- Girl won't admit she loves guy
- Guy admits he loves girl
- Girl wants to stay 'in the friend zone'
- Guy doesn't like said 'friend zone' because he is a slimy slimeball
- Girl and Guy needlessly torture one another over a span of many years
- Girl and Guy needlessly torture you over a span of many hours of reading
- Girls gets cancer
- Girl and Guy still have complicated relationship
- Are still firmly in the non-existant 'friend zone'
- The term 'friend zone' is beginning to annoy all involved
- Girl has REVELATION!
(Which, you know, she could have had, like, ten years ago, but whose counting?!)
- Girl and Guy get together
- Girl gets over cancer. YAY!
- You think this is the end
- Girl gets cancer AGAIN
- Girl gets preggas. Pregnant. With child.
- Girl survives everything and lives happily ever after with the slimy sod named Noah.
- Noah survives everything, gets what he wants, and lives happily ever after with Amanda.
THE END
Thanks for putting up with my rant & for being wonderful bookworms! :)
