In the words of Mother Superior from Sound of Music "CLIMB EV-ERY MOUN-TAIN!"Yes...this book was hard to start.
Yes...there were moments when I wanted to cry due to the sheer amount of teenage stupidity.
Yes...it was a hard climb.
But I made it. To once again quote Sound of Music:
Before I go into how this book went from 'someone shoot me' to 'I could turn this into Mean Girls 3', I want to go over a few of the flaws.
1.) "She was wearing the same tired beige skirt suit she wore to every slightly special event at ECHS. Good thing she was African American. If she'd been white, she'd have looked nude in that pasty outfit."
There are no words to accurately describe my expression when I read this.
2.) "A bunch of idiots started yelling "What?" and "Hell, no!" and "No way!"
I yelled, "Bite me!""
And 'Bite me', is a much better way to address your school principal, hon - you're way above the 'bunch of idiots' in that respect. Not.
3.) Head-slap worthy moment: when people in the story consider changing 'Fiona' to 'Pee-ona' a worthy insult.
Puh-lease. I could think of a million better ones!!
When the story finally goes uphill, you start to feel a sense of RELIEF.
Finally, she's becoming a smarter person.
YES - bingo!! Worthy male interest who is sarcastic, rude and cute as, has appeared!
Oh. He has a girlfriend.
He likes his girlfriend.
THEN WHO DOES SHE END UP WITH?!
This is the part where you begin to panic. Because YA books have a distinct pattern:
- GIRL
- GIRL TALKS ABOUT HER BORING LIFE
- GIRL SEES BOY
- GIRL GETS TO KNOW BOY
- GIRL AND BOY HATE EACH OTHER
- GIRL AND BOY FIGHT
- GIRL AND BOY MAKE UP
- GIRL AND BOY GO OUT AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER ON A PONY FARM
Except in this book it goes something like:
- GIRL
- GIRL TALKS ABOUT HER BORING LIFE
- (repeat previous step)
- (repeat previous step)
- GIRL SEES BOY
- (Girl immediately detests said boy - hasn't even known him for 5 seconds, but whatever.)
- GIRL GETS TO KNOW BOY
- GIRL AND BOY HATE EACH OTHER
(And yet kinda don't. It's weird.)
- GIRL AND BOY FIGHT
- GIRL AND BOY MAKE UP
- GIRL AND BOY GO OUT become...friends. AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER ON A PONY FARM and she goes out with the other guy who was dorky, but turns hot like halfway through the book - which is weird - and everyone's sort of nice to one another and you have this feeling that the author wanted to put the GIRL and BOY together, and then the editor ripped up that copy so she wrote another and forgot the original ending so she wrote this one.
So, moral of this story:
- School teaches you about life
- School is weird
- School counsellors are seriously messed up
- Janitors attend school dances (?????)
- Dorky, weird dudes turn hot eventually (magic involved??????)
The one thing I DETESTED about this book was that it taught us that being a cheerleader is more important than reading PRIDE AND PREJUDICE.
...
...
...
Let that sink in.
Please.
Before I cry.
Because NOTHING is more important than finishing that precious, precious book! How dare those horrid highschool students convince her otherwise!! I am offended on behalf of Austen and her gorgeous book!
*sniffs*
*swipes eyes*
*huffs*
She...did...finish it. AFTER being a stupid cheerleader.
Mr Darcy would have loved that, I bet.
Yep - Elizabeth Bennet the Cheerleader.
"Give me a P! Give me a R! Give me a I-D-E! WHAT DOES THAT SPELL?!"
