Reaping Me Softly (The Reaper Series #1)
Let's play a game...To FACE-PALM or NOT TO FACE-PALM!
Girl swoons excessively sickeningly constantly over hot guy. She likes his hair and "What she wouldn't give to be a single strand among those locks." His presence affects her physically - increased heart rate and constant flushing of cheeks.
NB: love is possible unhealthy and may have flu-like side effects
Option: GAG FACE-PALM!
This swooning lass is bullied by a nasty girl at school. And you think this is because she don't like no girl eyeing up her man!! But no; she's not jealous of swooning girl swooning over the hot guy.
Nope. She's jealous because she's got a crush on the swooning girl!
What. The. Hell.
Option:WTH FACE-PALM!
Swooning girl has a best friend who is a guy. Described as having the 'guy next door' look (NB: what is this look? Do all guys who live next door look the same? Because my neighbours don't look alike :( )
And you start to waggle your eyebrows thinking: "I see what we have here."
But you're wrong.
Because they're platonic friends. Yes, really.
He's in love with her sick sister who hangs out in a hospital 24/7. Like something out of A Walk To Remember. Go Nicholas Sparks.
Option:ANTI CLIMATIC FACE-PALM!
Remember the lad our protagonist was swooning over?
Well he's not only hot. He's a REAPER! He collects souls! And can make stuff appear out of thin air! And owns a freaking motorbike how hot is that?!!
Option:HALLELUJAH - it gets exciting!!
Hot Reaper Dude and Swooning Girl get together in Chemistry class (snicker snicker - get it? Chemistry?!). She finds out he ain't human! But she wants to guess what he is instead of him telling her, which is dumb.
Because she finally figures it out coincidentally suspiciously weirdly at the exact moment her sister dies. And she freaks out and is all like, "How could you, you jerk, you're like Death aren't you and I don't know why I ever told you I liked you and I'm just gonna yell and scream at you until I feel better because that is extremely mature of me isn't it?!"
Option:WHY YOU SO STUPID FACE-PALM!
Then we have a section like this:
HRD (Hot Reaper Dude): "I LOVE HER AND I'M GONNA WATCH HER SLEEP."
Girl: *stares blankly at pigeons in park*
HRD: "I FEEL SO GUILTY WHY DIDN'T I LOOK AT WHO I WAS REAPING?!"
Girl: *falls asleep on park bench*
HRD: "SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL EVEN WHEN HER HAIR IS LIKE A BIRD'S NEST MY HEART ACHES FROM IT!"
Girl: *sniffs back tears and returns to watching pigeons*
Option:Face hurts from face-palming. Will take a break and scream "WHY?!" instead.
Reaper Dude then saves Swooning Girl's life.
BAD IDEA DUDE.
YOU MESSED WITH THE SYSTEM BRO.
AND DEATH AIN'T A HAPPY CHAPPY.
At this point you are just about ready to kill someone yourself.
But you're saved that trouble. Someone gives their life up. Swooning Girl's all "I'll....TELL YOU WHAT I WANT WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT!"
Death: So tell me what you want, what you really really want.
Girl: I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really really hot Reaper Dude.
Death: If you want Reaper Dude - you gotta give me two things.
Girl: But if I give you those our relationship might end!
Death: If you want Reaper Dude - you have got to give.
Girl: Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is!
(Please forgive me for the Spice Girls reference. It's been a loooong day!)
And girl gets what she really really wants.
But there is a twist.
A stupid, stupid twist.
...
Go ahead. I know you want to.
FACE-PALM!
